Lasting love

excerpt from Fidelity: Remaining Faithful in Today’s World (OSV P1149)

As soon as we finish that last bite of chocolate or open the last present on Christmas, we begin to feel an emptiness — the emptiness that no earthly good can ever fill, because nothing on earth is lasting. We long for eternity, because our souls are eternal.

And when we love, we want it to last forever. That is why we vow “till death do us part” or “all the days of my life.” We wouldn’t want it any other way. Who would declare at their wedding, “I will love you as long as I feel like it or as long as I haven’t found anyone better than you?” We don’t do so, because part of the essence of love is fidelity: “Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it” (Song 8:7).

Underlying the psychological fact that human beings long for true and lasting love is the fact that love is faithful, because God is faithful. He has made a covenant with man, embodied in Christ’s love for his bride, the Church (CCC 1647).

But will we be happy loving like this? Isn’t this sort of boring — this virtuous, long-suffering endurance? Are we just gritting our teeth and sadly enduring our spouse (or our vocation)? On the contrary —psychological research shows that faithfulness actually makes us happier.

Harvard psychologist Dan Gilbert, author of Stumbling on Happiness , conducted an experiment in which research subjects chose between two things they liked equally well. One group was forced to stick with their choice (make an irrevocable decision), while the other group was allowed the option to change their minds at a later date. The result? The subjects who were forced to stay with their original choice ( i.e. , remain “faithful” to it) were happier than those who had the freedom to change!

How can we be faithful? Jesus told us, “In the world you have tribulation” (Jn 16:33). This means we will face temptations and other afflictions. The Catechism tells us that our marital union is always threatened by sin — we may experience jealousy, infidelity, conflict, and even separation. The culture bombards us with images of false love, pornography, and sexualized media. Marriages struggle through economic difficulties, sickness, and spiritual trials.

How, then, is it even possible to remain faithful? “With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible” (Mt 19:26). Five keys will help us remain faithful in love and our vocation: closeness to Christ; self-knowledge; avoidance of temptations; healthy communication in both words and actions; and cultivating an attitude of gratitude and forgiveness.

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